Don't Get Mad, Get Even

Don’t Get Mad, Get Even

Last month as we looked at fulfillment and what it takes to have a fulfilling life. The experiences that bring about that wonderful feeling ran the gamut from decorating our homes to sharing our deepest thoughts with a friend. We talked about self expression and how it feels to be fully self expressed. One thing I noticed was how the energy rose just talking about self expression. There was no lack of ideas on the subject!

When we looked at what blocks our self expression there seemed to be a common theme. At the heart there was a Fear of being judged, criticized, misunderstood, or rejected by others. It seems that one of the keys to becoming more self expressed is to notice when you feel self expressed and when you feel shut down. When you pay attention you can see the words that are going through your mind.  Here are some questions to help you access your own self-expression hot buttons.

What is the story that shuts you down?
What are the words that open you up?
Have you expressing yourself freely?

One aspect of self expression that I feel deserves its very own singular focus is ANGER . Whether we are aware of it or not, unexpressed anger can block our self expression without us even knowing. Anger unexpressed turns into resentment. Whether it is resentment towards others or resentment of our circumstances, or both, resentment blocks our natural flow of energy and keeps us from having a fulfilling life.

My personal experience with my own anger has been a life long challenge for me. From the time I was small I had an awareness of the power of anger. I saw how destructive it could be, and I didn't see any benefits. This awareness led me to make one of those unconscious childhood choices. I decided I was simply not going to EVER be angry. It’s pretty funny when I look back on it. The sad part is that denying one of the basic human emotions ended up keeping me from fully experiencing my life.

Lets look at what the purpose of anger really is. Anger is the emotion that alerts us to something that is not working for us. Something is occurring that we don’t like, a value being stepped on perhaps. Anger is a powerful emotion that surges through us and compels us to act. In its purest form anger helps us to push through to new ground; to enter new territory with a feeling of purpose. When anger is felt and harnessed it can help us to go where we want to go and do what we want to do. What gets in the way? For most women when put in simple terms, it seems to be a fear of running over someone else OR being run over ourselves. It is that dual fear that can keep us from naturally feeling our anger. It is that fear that has us shut down when we do feel angry,which eventually leads to resentment or some kind of explosion, which then leads to us feeling even more determined not to feel or express our anger!  Sometimes we block the anger for so long it comes out as a physical illness or injury that we never tie back to our feelings of anger, which leads me to this week’s title.

Don’t’ Get Mad, Get Even.

I believe that when we feel and contain our anger we are at peace with ourselves. When our anger is used well we can more easily have a balanced life. The word “EVEN” in this case is not revenge, it is something much better. It is an Even feeling that comes when we are confident in expressing ourselves well. This kind of getting Even means finding your own way of being fully self expressed that brings you Even more ease and joy to your life!

Cheers,
Kat