A fulfilling life is a pursuit much like that of happiness. It is not a destination point or some place that we ever actually reach. It is more a way of life that is in alignment with our deepest values and has us engaging authentically in our life on a day-to-day basis.
The exploration of what makes a fulfilling life is much the same for me. My goal is not to pin down the details, it is more about discovering who I am and what I can do in the world that has me feeling alive and on purpose.
Last week we began this exploration by looking at all the elements that make up a fulfilling life for most of us. Having a life vision and getting into action toward what’s next was one part of the focus. In order to do that though we must address the voice of our saboteur that comes up to stop us from any kind of change. Creating your life from an inspiring vision requires change big time!
It may sound strange, but I thoroughly enjoyed the conversations that the women in the Alchemy Circle had about their own saboteur voice. The phrases sometimes used by this voice were sometimes downright funny when spoken out loud. Many of the words used were similar in nature, and every single one seemed to end with ”so what’s the point! You might as well give up”,”it’s hopeless”, “your helpless”, “nobody cares anyway!”
After the voice that is usually running in our head was given some airtime, even if just for a minute or two, there was feeling of relief that came into the space.That feeling was soon followed by pure joy, delight, and a sense of freedom and power. So often in my work with people on creating a fulfilling life this is the case. Once we get the block out of the way, the feeling underneath propels them forward easily. This is where the magic comes in. People, places, and things that were not there a minute ago suddenly appear. A new idea, new opportunity, an enlightening new awareness leaps into the space.
As we move forward in this exploration I would like you to be aware of this dual experience. I think of it as clearing the space, so something wonderful can happen. It is one of the elements of a fulfilling life in my book. Continually clearing out the negative and allowing the positive life force to come out.
This brings me to this week’s subject. Express Yourself! All morning I have been singing a line from the Charles Wright song I remember from my teenage years.
Here is my favorite verse:
It’s not what you look like
When you're doin what you're doin
It’s what you're doin
When you're doin
What you look like you're doin
Express yourself!
Full self-expression is one of the most delicious experiences I know. Yet, for me it has taken a lifetime to learn just how to fully express myself in a way that gets me the results I want. In a leadership program I took they had an expression that has really helped me with this: Full permission-notice the impact. When I apply this to full self-expression it is something akin to how I like to write. Put it all out there and then edit to make it palatable for the public. Say what is true for me and be willing to be with the response of others. That has helped me in many instances to be fully self-expressed with my opinions, ideas, and thoughts.
However, where it gets really tricky for me is when I am feeling angry. I mentioned last week that Healthy Emotional Expression is an important element in being fulfilled in our lives. This week we are going to look at Full Self Expression in all of its colors with a special focus on how that looks when we are angry. The saboteur voice stops us by creating negative thinking based on fear. Not knowing what to do with our anger blocks our energy so completely that it is one of the most common ways women sell out on themselves. The experience of having our anger blocked drains our energy, has us feeling small and incompetent. Not knowing how to authentically and effectively express ourselves when we are angry can cause us to lash out at others or to beat up on ourselves. Pretty nasty stuff.
You know I am going to give you some good news right? Of course. We are looking at two tracks here at all times. There is the track that holds us back. There is the track that propels us forward. That is the track we get on the instant we feel the emotion of anger, know exactly what to do with it, and fully express ourselves! Something pops out of us that is so authentically pure as to be delicious. The feeling can leave us euphoric for days.
I know this one well as I said from a lifetime of being trapped by my own anger. For many years I was disconnected from the feeling and wondering why I was so tired all the time. Then when I became aware of the particular way anger feels for me, I had to face my stupidity on what to do with it! I was tempted to go back to ignorance and might have if that had even been possible. Instead, I began to learn what NOT to do first, and then slowly but surely I learned healthy and happy ways of feeling and fully expressing myself when anger showed up to let me know something wasn't working for me.
I have to confess this lesson has been in my face recently. Okay... okay, it was the lesson that was up for me over the past week, so it is fresh in my awareness! I learned one more piece of the puzzle in being fully self-expressed. I faced down my own saboteur voice and stepped out into the unknown territory of being self expressed with my anger.
This week I want you to look at your own full self-expression, and look at what gets in the way as well. What is full self expression like for you: When you're feeling sassy, when you're feeling blue...when you're feeling quiet as a shoe....AND especially when you are feeling angry and don't know what to do! This week notice your authentic self-expression. When is it fullest? What blocks it? What helps to unlock it?
Cheers,
Kat
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