Stay tuned for part 2.
Along with my mother and her childhood patterns being lived out for better or worse there was also a drama being played out on the home front in my parent’s marriage. My father was the musical director of a small school. He too loved his work but at my mothers urging he was pursuing a degree in school administration so he could move up the ladder in the school system. He also had a passion for architecture, which led him to start a building business along with some friends. This was short lived and ended up with him losing a great deal of money, at least that is how I remember it.
My clearest memory of this last drama was of my mother taking me by the shoulders one day, looking me directly in the eye and telling me with a greater intensity then I ever remember before or after. She asked me to promise her that I " would never depend on a man for money". Promise! I did promise but I also decided in that moment that my mother was wrong about women, money and power. Well I was about 7 at the time so I doubt my thinking was that sophisticated. It was however something along those lines> I had a knowing that I was all GIRL a romantic soul to boot. I knew even then that I wanted to have a wonderful career AND to have a good marriage with all the trimmings.
When I pull the lens back a bit I also can see that for me what I witnessed in both my parents families of origin and my own family was that the women had a great deal of power. I could see that pretty clearly. I was confused though about how they used it, the mixed messages they sent and exactly how the men in these families fit in.
It is no mystery to me then that I went into adulthood with these mixed messages and proceeded to get even more confused by my own dramas in the area of money and power. There was my surprise when the financial deal I thought I had with my first husband to support my career as a weaver, was broken not long after the ink dried on the marriage license.
Then there were the many arguments we had about money, which didn't change much as we moved from poverty to prosperity. It was one such argument we had at a time when we were financially well off that let me know I was living out an old old family pattern. Most likely two old family patterns colliding. There was nothing else that would explain the crazy making conversation I was having. We had achieved the financial position we had worked for at last. Instead of rejoicing in our accomplishment though we were in conflict. It was no longer just about money. I could see that it was a power struggle being played out between us with our childhood fears in charge.
The good news in these stories is that when we become aware of an unconscious pattern being played out we can change it! The fear and limited thinking built into these patterns can be replaced with a new pattern of our own creation. Here is how you can make this shift for yourself. Take some time to identify your own childhood influences.
Look to your grandparent and parents. Look at your parent’s marriage, the influences from movies and books. What were your messages from those people you admired or those you feared?
Look for the patterns. Then begin to identify how those patterns have played out in your life. What were the messages you received from these various sources about how women, money and power were used? When you have this information you will be able break the patterns that leave you confused and powerless. Little by little you will be able to begin new patterns that are based in your own feminine power. Patterns that include being fully feminine AND powerful with money in a way that makes for happy and healthy relationships.
Use this Relationship Coaching Connection exercise to find out YOUR patterns.
Uncovering your relationship with money patterns
Take out a piece of paper and label four columns
Do a stream of consciousness writing. Soft focus and write in each column whatever comes to mind when you ask the question.
What did I learn about women-money-power from:
- My mother and her family?
- My father and his family?
- My parent’s marriage?
- Other Influences-friends, movies, books, authority figures
Cheers,Kat
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